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If you're in an abusive situation, you might recognize this pattern:

• Your abuser threatens violence.

• Your abuser strikes.

• Your abuser apologizes, promises to change and offers gifts.

• The cycle repeats itself.

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The longer you stay in an abusive relationship, the greater the physical and emotional toll. You might become depressed and anxious, or you might begin to doubt your ability to take care of yourself. You might feel helpless or paralyzed.

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You may also wonder if the abuse is your fault — a common point of confusion among survivors of domestic abuse that may make it more difficult to seek help.

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Don't take the blame

You may not be ready to seek help because you believe you're at least partially to blame for the abuse in the relationship. Reasons may include:

• Your partner blames you for the violence in your relationship. Abusive partners rarely take responsibility for their actions.

• Your partner only exhibits abusive behavior with you. Abusers are often concerned with outward appearances and may appear charming and stable to those outside of your relationship. This may cause you to believe that his or her actions can only be explained by something you've done.

• Therapists and health care providers who see you alone or with your partner haven't detected a problem. If you haven't told your health care provider about the abuse, they may only take note of unhealthy patterns in your thinking or behavior. This can lead to a misdiagnosis. For example, survivors of intimate partner violence may develop symptoms that resemble chronic disorders such as irritable bowel syndrome or fibromyalgia. Exposure to intimate partner violence also increases your risk of mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

• You have acted out verbally or physically against your abuser, yelling, pushing or hitting your partner during conflicts. You may worry that you are abusive, but it's much more likely that you acted in self-defense or intense emotional distress. Your abuser may use such incidents to manipulate you, describing them as proof that you are the abusive partner.

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If you're having trouble identifying what's happening, take a step back and look at larger patterns in your relationship. Then review the signs of domestic violence. In an abusive relationship, the person who routinely uses these behaviors is the abuser. The person on the receiving end is being abused.